and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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