it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
