Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
