it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
