i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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