Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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