we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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