I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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