Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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