Jerry, you need to find god
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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