WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
