Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
FUCK WHALES
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