nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
