I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
