I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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