Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
