He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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