Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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