And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
