I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
