Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
