Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
