You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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