so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
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I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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