youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
