Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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