Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
