Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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