I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
