You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
