How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
