lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
