morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Holy sore nipples Batman
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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