Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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