Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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