it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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