just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
