Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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