I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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