You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
