I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
