the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
