I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
