she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
