I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
