Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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