I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
