You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
