he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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