I can tuck mytits in my pants
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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