I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
