please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just google imaged poop.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
