I hope mine doesn't look like that
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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