Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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