think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
