Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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