so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
