Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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