he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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