Already got asked if we're dating
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
