ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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