Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Small penises have feelings too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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