If i come over, it means nothing
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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