there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize