we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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