Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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