She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
